Friend, Lover, Boyfriend?

I've decided that growing up in a small town is not only disadventagous in the educational department but also in the love education department.

With such a small population you have the advantage and disadvantage of knowing everyone. The good thing is that you grew up with them your whole life so you know everything about them and the bad thing is that you know everything about them. But leaving that fact aside, you are still inclined to date them. Now let's define the term dating, according to my small town upbringing. It's the point when the boys asks, "Will you go out with me?" and the girl says,"Ok." Or something along those lines. It's very straightforward and high school.

So, we grow up knowing everything about these boys; the good, the bad, and the ugly. We "go out" with them for a while and then break up. We still see each other all the time because we all share the same friends but do our best to avoid them. Later, one of our friends starts dating them and we start dating our other friend's boyfriend. (There is a lot of recycling.) In this delicately woven web of dating each others boyfriends, with the precise amount of mourning time inbetween because we don't want to piss off our friends, we don't actually "date".

We never really do the whole dance of meeting someone new, testing them out with a few casual dates before we get exclusive. This is what is supposed to happen in high school and college. But stupid me, I grow up in a small town and have a boyfriend for all of my college days. Now I'm a clueless 25 year old woman! I have finally resorted to calling my mother and asking her if I actually have a boyfriend or if I'm just a friend. How sad is that?

Ok, I'm not going to attribute all of my confusion to growing up sheltered but also to a cultural difference. Living in South Korea is a little different than home. I've been slowly aquire information on relationships in Korea because it's drastically different. They use the word love frivolously and "love" to throw it out there. They also use the term girlfriend loosely. Many of the Korean men have "girlfriends", many of them in fact! Whereas back home, girlfriend tends to signify exclusivity. So, in Korea a girlfriend is defined, according to my Korean friends, as someone you've had sex with (not including one nights after the club), a girl you've gone out with at least 3 times, or someone you've declared your love for. FYI this is only true for the true Korean population. The problem comes with the westernized Koreans.

The westernized Koreans brings a whole new issue to the table. They vary somewhere between American and Korean. So, how do you know if you are just a casual fling or dating that someone? More to the fact, how do you know if they are actually westernized or not? Are you just supposed to have all of the standards checked off before you're 75% sure that you're his girlfriend? These are the questions I have to ask myself in every new relationship over here.

Ok, so you finally figure out that you're his girlfriend after the relationship defining talk. So, how do you know he's serious. Most Koreans over here don't get serious about foreign women because their families want a nice Korean girl for their perfect son! So even if you establish the fact that your his girlfriend, do you know that it's going to go anywhere? I have a friend over here who had a Korean boyfriend for 6 months and was introduced to the family and talking serious business like marriage and children. Not too long after he tells her that he doesn't want her anymore and that he likes her but he really wants a Korean wife.

You don't really notice it at first, but there is a lot of racism towards foreigners in Korea. We get it most from older Koreans. But, I forgive them because that's the way they were raised, just like our grandparents. But, I expected more from the younger generation.

So, back to the point. You have your boyfriend and now you have to wonder if he's serious about you or not, if he's serious but will give in to his parents wishes, or if your just something he can brag about to his friends. Do the questions ever end?

Now, you're to the breaking point in wondering. Do you just say, "What the hell, que sera sera!" and just take it lightly and lets the chips fall where they may? Do you flat out ask him these questions, granted that he speaks enough English for this discussion, and scare him away? Or do you worry yourself sick with these questions leading you to read into everything and causing further misunderstandings? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm............................

So, after all of these questions and debates taking place in my inner mind, I choose "What the hell, que sera sera!" What am I going to accomplish worring myself sick or by trying to discuss this with someone who doesn't speak English? So, we'll see how things work out!! Stay tuned!!