Friend, Lover, Boyfriend?

I've decided that growing up in a small town is not only disadventagous in the educational department but also in the love education department.

With such a small population you have the advantage and disadvantage of knowing everyone. The good thing is that you grew up with them your whole life so you know everything about them and the bad thing is that you know everything about them. But leaving that fact aside, you are still inclined to date them. Now let's define the term dating, according to my small town upbringing. It's the point when the boys asks, "Will you go out with me?" and the girl says,"Ok." Or something along those lines. It's very straightforward and high school.

So, we grow up knowing everything about these boys; the good, the bad, and the ugly. We "go out" with them for a while and then break up. We still see each other all the time because we all share the same friends but do our best to avoid them. Later, one of our friends starts dating them and we start dating our other friend's boyfriend. (There is a lot of recycling.) In this delicately woven web of dating each others boyfriends, with the precise amount of mourning time inbetween because we don't want to piss off our friends, we don't actually "date".

We never really do the whole dance of meeting someone new, testing them out with a few casual dates before we get exclusive. This is what is supposed to happen in high school and college. But stupid me, I grow up in a small town and have a boyfriend for all of my college days. Now I'm a clueless 25 year old woman! I have finally resorted to calling my mother and asking her if I actually have a boyfriend or if I'm just a friend. How sad is that?

Ok, I'm not going to attribute all of my confusion to growing up sheltered but also to a cultural difference. Living in South Korea is a little different than home. I've been slowly aquire information on relationships in Korea because it's drastically different. They use the word love frivolously and "love" to throw it out there. They also use the term girlfriend loosely. Many of the Korean men have "girlfriends", many of them in fact! Whereas back home, girlfriend tends to signify exclusivity. So, in Korea a girlfriend is defined, according to my Korean friends, as someone you've had sex with (not including one nights after the club), a girl you've gone out with at least 3 times, or someone you've declared your love for. FYI this is only true for the true Korean population. The problem comes with the westernized Koreans.

The westernized Koreans brings a whole new issue to the table. They vary somewhere between American and Korean. So, how do you know if you are just a casual fling or dating that someone? More to the fact, how do you know if they are actually westernized or not? Are you just supposed to have all of the standards checked off before you're 75% sure that you're his girlfriend? These are the questions I have to ask myself in every new relationship over here.

Ok, so you finally figure out that you're his girlfriend after the relationship defining talk. So, how do you know he's serious. Most Koreans over here don't get serious about foreign women because their families want a nice Korean girl for their perfect son! So even if you establish the fact that your his girlfriend, do you know that it's going to go anywhere? I have a friend over here who had a Korean boyfriend for 6 months and was introduced to the family and talking serious business like marriage and children. Not too long after he tells her that he doesn't want her anymore and that he likes her but he really wants a Korean wife.

You don't really notice it at first, but there is a lot of racism towards foreigners in Korea. We get it most from older Koreans. But, I forgive them because that's the way they were raised, just like our grandparents. But, I expected more from the younger generation.

So, back to the point. You have your boyfriend and now you have to wonder if he's serious about you or not, if he's serious but will give in to his parents wishes, or if your just something he can brag about to his friends. Do the questions ever end?

Now, you're to the breaking point in wondering. Do you just say, "What the hell, que sera sera!" and just take it lightly and lets the chips fall where they may? Do you flat out ask him these questions, granted that he speaks enough English for this discussion, and scare him away? Or do you worry yourself sick with these questions leading you to read into everything and causing further misunderstandings? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm............................

So, after all of these questions and debates taking place in my inner mind, I choose "What the hell, que sera sera!" What am I going to accomplish worring myself sick or by trying to discuss this with someone who doesn't speak English? So, we'll see how things work out!! Stay tuned!!

Korean Dating Advice

For all you ladies thinking it'll be great to date a hot Korean I have some advice for you. I know Asian fever isn't limited to the male population because I seem to have been infected with a touch of it as well. I made the mistake of taking things too lightly when it came to men.

This isn't like America where you can go hang out with guys just to have fun and be friends. Once you accept an invitation and say yes to anything you're done for. Once you've said yes they won't take no for an answer for anything. They become very aggressive in pursuit of you. They will stalk you on the phone and try to come by your house. Just to let you know, they're not actually stalkers. This is just their culture. If they're not semi-stalking you then they're not interested in you. I went on two dates with a Korean guy and the next time we went out as a group, he was introducing me as his girlfriend. I was very taken aback because I was thinking we were just hanging out and having fun, nothing serious. Well, I guess everything is serious here. There's no light, fun dating. So, the next time he called me I had to tell him no at least ten times. He couldn't understand that I was busy on the weekend and couldn't hang out. Then he said he would come by my house on Wednesday, today. I told him no repeatedly but he just said see you and hung up. So, after work today I snuck home early so I wouldn't run into him. I sat in my apartment without the lights on, phone on silent, and trying not to make noise. He called me 20 times in an hour, messaged me like 10 times, and rang my doorbell for nearly an hour! I knew that if I actually talked to him face to face it would be over. They just don't take no for an answer. Plus you have the added language barrier.

So, my advice to all you ladies with "yellow fever" is to be very choosy. You don't want to end up being stalked by someone you have no interest in, like me. I say take your time. The guys won't give up like back at home. These guys are used to working hard for it! ;-)

7 Random Koreans and a Date

It all happened in the wee hours of the morning, also known as after bar. I spent the night out with Nikiel and friends prowling the streets of downtown. We hit up German Bar, Speakeasy, Bubble Bar, and then proceeded to rock out at the norabong. It was a night filled with soju and mekju! We shared a lot of gambaes, one-shots, and a lot of drunk-tone-def singing. As the night drew to a close, I got some octapus from a streetvendor and hailed a taxi. Once out of the taxi I had to stumble a block home down a dark alleyway but I felt completely safe. While swerving my way home I happend to bump into 7 Korean men. I properly greeted them with a drunk annyeonghaseyo and a slight bow. They immediately took a shine to the drunk foreign girl who didn't speak any Korean and invited me to their apartment to drink some more mekju! Being the smart girl that I am I graciously accepted the invitation and went across the street from my house to party with some real Koreans. The rest of the night was filled with sticky notes stuck to our heads with our names written on them and our cellphone dictionary getting fully used. We sadly parted ways at 6am and I went and got 2 hours of sleep before I was woken up by my new friend Jungkil. We decided to go to lunch and watch the movie Avatar, which was GREAT! We had an ejoyable dinner of Burger King before the movie started. I was actually pretty happy because there's nothing like greasy food to help with a hangover. We spent all of lunch typing on our cellphone dictionaries to talk because I don't speak Korean and he doesn't speak English. But, it was still fun. So, over the next week we shared a few phone calls and text messages and then we decided to meet again last night. He picked me up at my apartment and we walked down the street to a nice chicken restaurant. We had some delicious spicy chicken and beer. Afterwards, we went back to my place where he did my dishes, cooked kimchi jjigae for me, and drank a lot of soju. After a few sojus we were feeling pretty loose so we put on some kpop and jammed out. I managed to get a little sleep last night! All I can say is that Korean sure can drink and they are very kind and patient. Jungkil is even studying English so that he can speak to me. I can tell that every time he calls me on the phone he's already practiced what he is going to say to me. I've never had someone that dedicated. I hope all Korean men are like this. If this keeps happening I'll never go home!